How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
