Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
