And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
