yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
