All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize