i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
