Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
zippers are such a cool invention
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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