I will die if light touches me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
