Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
