I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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