You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
