And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
