Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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