well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
