Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
