I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
