i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
