I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
