If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
