Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
