xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
