dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
