That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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