Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
