Quick, to the slutcave!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
