speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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