Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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