You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
