So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize