i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
organizing the empties. That sober.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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