i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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