my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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