You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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