fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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