so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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