Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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