There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
