Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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