So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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