I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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