It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
