Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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