when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
