Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
