This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
