Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize