In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
