I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
