trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
