It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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