69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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