You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize