she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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