he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
