chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
