What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
