I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
