u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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