Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
