just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
