The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
