We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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