naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
