I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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