Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize