so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
