Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
