Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
