Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
